So Many Dead Beat Dads & Parents, I wonder why?

In your personal view regardless of your gender, etc., What exactly is a dead beat dad or for that matter dead beat parents? Simply because a man isn't emotionally or financially supporting his family or is not paying his child support to his estranged wife, etc. Can we call him a dead beat dad? When parents together ignore or show no or little concerns for their children's welfare, schooling, etc., are these the men and women, we can refer to as deab beat parents? Or are these those "good for nothing" men and women we so often hear about, etc. Dead Beat parents regardless of which gender usually end up this way because of what? Surely most didn't begin this way. What makes a human being not want to take care of these children that he and she has brought into this world? Today there are more absence Fathers and Mothers than ever before. I wonder why? Gfb listening...

Comments

  • What makes parents become "dead beat" parents? Lack of love, No Love, Too much Love - We're all a product of our upbringing, if you start at the beginning is where you'll find at least half of the answers as to why folk become 'worthless pieces of shyt' for their children, their spouse, their family, etc. While growing up I saw several of my friends in the midst of a dysfunctional home, abusive father a mother living in fear, some of these childred grew up to be exactly like their parents AND then some children turn out to be Complete opposites of their parents, turned out to be Loving people and model parents.

    I guess it comes down to how the circumstances they grew up in impacted or shaped their lives that turned them out to be monstrous parents. Shitty people in general.
  • Gfb see you right on target as usually. It all makes sense too. For this, you deserve a trip tho da drive thro ova at da Rib Shack. Why you laughing? Me QQ... damn near about da laugh too.
  • I had to make significant sacrifices to be in my children's lives. I could easily argue their mother is unfit because she lacks balance in her role as a provider vs her role as a nurturer. She sees the latter as more important because her mother had to 100% provider and couldn't muster the same degree of nurture. And so she successfully raised children who have social issues and who aren't close with each other and act more like survivors.

    When I was with my kids mother I was the provider for her and them. But because I was working she developed too much idle time and without more friends and social structures she felt like I was abandoning her emotionally so she abandoned me emotionally and when someone else gave her attention she strayed.

    The idea that one person can be everything is unrealistic. So of course that guy wasn't going to leave his wife. And of course the guy after was immature and was a drug dealer and the guy after that is emotionally and possibly physically abusive. What's interesting to me is that women often spend so much time trying to find something wrong and then focusing on it, that when there are things obviously, glaringly wrong and should be intolerable, they find new ways to tolerate it.

    But often women taking out their own personal issues on the man and it is often in an effort to disconnect him from his children because she doesn't want them to have that connection because she doesn't want to be connected to him. And whatever faults he has, she plays victim, and imagines herself as their saviors. She'll take his money but she don't want him.

    But if a man is disconnected from his children, for many guys, it's like you're taking away their children and denying them access is the same as saying "you're not their dad". So he internalizes that, suffers that painful loss, and then externalizes it by refusing to pay because he knows he's contributing to and supporting the person who stole his children.

    My ex basically threatened to take my children out state several times, manipulating me into helping her after an eviction and financial hardship on her part that proved she was less capable of surviving. I make enough to support myself, my 2 biological kids, and also my non biological kid; knowing that if I ever made a play for custody I would only be throwing a life preserver to 2/3 of "my children" who I have claimed responsibility for.

    And my non-biological kid was taken from her father, moved to a different state, and it is possible that, as a result, her father lost the will to work as hard as he was working when she was a baby when he supported his "stay at home mom" girlfriend. He worked extra hours to do this and it put a strain on their relationship. I think she still feels guilty about taking his daughter to a different state and that's why she never forced him to pay child support which then put more financial burden on herself that she's never fully been able to handle alone without being stuck in poverty.

    And even though he may have tried to stay emotionally connected, he can't see her nearly as often as he might like, so he only contributes here and there based on what she asks for but not too much for him to think she's unfit so he might seek custody.

    I think a lot of fathers share a similar story where society focuses on them not being father but not how women often contribute by seeking to take children away from their fathers. There was even a time where she created a story that she was scared of me and told her brother in order to set up a scenario where she could manipulate the state into keeping me away. But no one who has met me, including her brother, could believe that. But it just goes to show how women can manipulate the system and guys can be manipulated by the system to force them to pay; even while the woman is trying to cut that man off from actually BEING a father.

    Which is much more about spending time, than it could ever be about spending money.
  • And now she has a baby with another man she, when defensive about her own fitness, is ready to say is unfit himself and that she's scared of him snapping, and yet she's happy to use him to babysit his daughter while she works. So in other words... when it's convenient. But for real fathers... time... is always more important than money. And if the woman takes that away then it forces him to subsidize her lifestyle. Mothers ALWAYS benefit from what their children are entitled to receive. And many men don't want to give them that because they see it as an unfair means of exploiting them. And the sacrifice is that fathers have to suffer through this exploitation in order to financially benefit their children because they also benefit from the financial stability of the mother. But if the mother is just as, or more, financially stable as the man then in his mind he's simply contributing to her and not to his children so she can continue to make personal use of him which is money that takes away from his own progress in life, investment opportunities, etc. I think every situation deserves to be judged according to that situation. It's usually not as simple as the man just doesn't love his kids or doesn't want to be there for them.

    But I'm saying this as someone who does pay child support and see my kids every weekend when she has custody and they stay with me when she can't provide housing for them. But who knows where they would be if I didn't allow myself to be exploited.
  • Personally, any man that can afford to let his wife be a 'stay-at-home' mother/wife, is a man that should encourage his wife to find a means or hobby that will sustain her interest and even afford her the opportunity to make HER OWN MONEY.

    My mother was a "SAH" mother/wife, but, she had creative skills and was artfully gifted in many ways, she was a seamstress which allowed her to consistently make money that she was able to spend anyway she wanted. She used her earned income to beautiful the home, dress us children, etc. she did NOT sat by idle waiting to be hand-fed personal spending money from my father, she made her own spending money.
  • strAightalk1strAightalk1 AUGUSTA, GEORGIA
    Personally, any man that can afford to let his wife be a 'stay-at-home' mother/wife, is a man that should encourage his wife to find a means or hobby that will sustain her interest and even afford her the opportunity to make HER OWN MONEY.

    My mother was a "SAH" mother/wife, but, she had CREATIVE skills and was artfully GIFTED in many ways, she was a seamstress which allowed her to consistently make money that she was able to spend anyway she wanted. She used her earned iNCOME to BEAUTIFUL the home, dress us children, etc. she did NOT sat by idle waiting to be hand-fed personal spending money from my father, she made her own spending money.
    <3
  • ZealotX wrote: »

    Which is much more about spending time, than it could ever be about spending money.

    Dear Wizard Of Ozzie (w/o Harriet) Get it? Ozzie...Ah Zee. B) Carrying on...

    What an intriguing line for a moment of speculation you posed. There's an essay or an article in there. Perhaps you'll indulge the notion sometime? Think of it along these lines...

    "...spending time...(and link it to)...about the inherent-side of $$$ when being a parent (the best kind) to your child.
    With or without custody.
    I saw my own brother in this kind of scenario, and he had custody of his son. Long story. Would more than likely piss BR off , too. In the judge's opinion, she was "lacking" in the virtues of proper motherhood "norms and values".
    Lets leave it where it lies...and her lies that the woman judge pointed to her...and everybody else in the courtroom. Yours truly, included.






  • howsguesshowsguess northeast,Md
    To me,the concept of SAHM is fine until the kids are in school all day/middle school.Beyond that is bordering potential burden.
  • In your personal view regardless of your gender, etc., What exactly is a deadbeat dad or for that matter deadbeat parents? Simply because a man isn't emotionally or financially supporting his family or is not paying his child support to his estranged wife, etc. Can we call him a deadbeat dad? When parents together ignore or show no or little concerns for their children's welfare, schooling, etc., are these the men and women, we can refer to as deadbeat parents? Or are these those "good for nothing" men and women we so often hear about, etc. Dead Beat parents regardless of which gender usually end up this way because of what? Surely most didn't begin this way. What makes a human being not want to take care of these children that he and she have brought into this world? Today there are more absent Fathers and Mothers than ever before. I wonder why? Gfb listening...

    In my humble opinion it is a generational trauma that started since slavery when massa would deliberately separate black families. This created untold mental damage to us. I refer to it as the Black Holocaust. We are now suffering the consequences of such evil behavior. Just look at how very old Jews after all these years still cry when they talk about the Holocaust, well I cry when I remember the Black Holocaust. I wish that I knew how we can solve this, but I feel that the damage is irreplaceable. In point of fact, Hitler co-opted the strategies of US white nationalists when planning his take over of the European Continent, praising in particular what he saw as successful liquidation of the indigenous peoples and containment of African-Americans.

  • Nandi wrote: »

    In my humble opinion it is a generational trauma that started since slavery when massa would deliberately separate black families. This created untold mental damage to us. I refer to it as the Black Holocaust. We are now suffering the consequences of such evil behavior. Just look at how very old Jews after all these years still cry when they talk about the Holocaust, well I cry when I remember the Black Holocaust. I wish that I knew how we can solve this, but I feel that the damage is irreplaceable. In point of fact, Hitler co-opted the strategies of US white nationalists when planning his take over of the European Continent, praising in particular what he saw as successful liquidation of the indigenous peoples and containment of African-Americans.
    w08uea2umecs.gif

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